If nothing else, Gareth Edwards’ Godzilla reboot has made me realize that the real Godzilla movie I want would be less a tribute to the original Toho pictures, or a modern update of them, and would play something more like 22 Short Films About Godzilla. Ideally, if the creature isn’t going to be humanized and made a character the way some of the cornier Godzilla movies made him, and you truly want to show him/her/it as a force of nature, then capture that impact from a diverse array of perspectives, with many different people all affected by the same crisis.

The obvious problem there is that Godzilla ceases to be the main character of the Godzilla movie, but this newest reboot ran into it all the same, so at least we’d be par for the course. It’s surprising to find that, in an otherwise terrific summer movie season, this monster blockbuster has turned into the most divisive. I find myself squarely in the camp of those disappointed, as while I strongly agree with the film’s critical proponents that Edwards is very talented and the film is well-crafted, the utter absence of interesting characters in the film just killed the whole thing for me.

“But Sam, Pacific Rim had unrealistic characters, and you never shut about how much you loved that particular giant monster movie,” you might say. Well, the difference between the two is that even though Pacific Rim had stock characters, they at least filled a role. They represent human emotions and desires in response to a fantastical premise that were more varied than just “family is important.” At least in their one-dimensionality, Pacific Rim’s characters served a purpose. What was Sally Hawkins’ purpose in Godzilla as Ken Watanbe’s assistant? Did she have a name? Did Aaron Taylor Johnson’s thick-necked marine have any defining characteristic besides his family, and his occupation? Why is David Straitharn’s general guy desperately looking for someone in this war room to deliver his expositional monologue to, other than the audience? There are so many amazing shots, and small moments in Godzilla, but they’re in the wrong movie.

Plus, the destruction, when it finally does occur, is so darkly lit, you can barely tell what’s happening. I blame it on a 3D lens filter being left on my theatres projector, so your mileage may vary.