New Articles for the Week of March 15th: Sprang Cleanin' Edition

Spring is coming! The snow is melting, the sun is shining brighter and longer, geese are flying back North and Long Johns everywhere are heading into laundry machines for one last spin. Best to start the season fresh by catching up on all the stuff I was writing about while avoiding the worst winter had to offer:

The Monuments Men: Clooney! Damon! Nazis! General ambivalence! Neither the film-art community or the art-art community rushed to embrace this true story of cultural capering in World War II, which isn’t terribly surprising. If you’re a fan of seeing puff himself up about art and history like a Cornish game hen, then you’ll be well served. Otherwise, you’ll find not much here of educational, or entertainment value, which is not something I enjoy saying about a movie with both Bill Murray and John Goodman.

3 Days to Kill: I’m not a big believer in so-bad-it’s-good film viewing. Unless a terrible picture is being ripped on by experts, I’ll very rarely actively seek out terribad entertainment. A lot of it has to do with the schadenfreude that comes with seeing people earnestly try, and fail miserably to do their dream project (I would probably pull a Raiders if I ever had to watch The Room), and part of it has to do with feeling weird about the commodification and ironic adoption of intentionally awful entertainment (your Sharknados et al.).

Now, if a studio with professional actors, production values, and distribution, wants to make a bad movie, and then load that bad movie up with deliriously outdated gender politics and political awareness, I’m more likely to find flecks of gold in that particular turd. 3 Days to Kill is a film I felt myself falling more in more in love with the longer its boring star and story blended with its whackadoodle subtext, and I came out waaaaay more excited about it than any Kevin Costner-starring Taken-knockoff had any right to allow.

Nymphomaniac - Volume I: Not one for the squeamish, I found a lot in Lars van Trier’s latest that will keep your interest, and that also has nothing to do with sex, of which the film has plenty. I'll also be checking in on Volume II next month, but for now it seems like von Trier has half a great little stage play about art as sex, sex as art, and a whole lot in between.

Interview with the creators of The Americans: If you're not watching The Americans yet, you really should be. It's exciting, funny, and has plenty to say about personal and political relationships. It was my 8th favorite show of 2013 during its first season, and before the second started, I got to have a little phone chat with the show's creator, Joe Weisberg, its co-showrunner, Joel Fields, and its executive producer, Graham Yost (who's the showrunner behind my other favorite FX show from last year, Justified). This was my first phone interview and I've never talked with anyone from the TV world of this calibre, so this was a real treat to do. Hopefully the first of many, but if it's the only one, at least it was good practice for an even more high-profile I did a week later, but can't really talk about now, because I haven't written it up yet. Anywho, check out the show, then check out my interview.

Banshee: Much as I've been trying to get out of the weekly recapping game, they keep finding ways to pull me back in! The reason this time: screeners, the shoddily recorded, watermarked to hell little discs that let you watch and write about a show well in advance of its actual airing. Looking to see what the experience was like, I grabbed this assignment to review the second season of the Cinemax series having seen none of the first. After powering through those ten episodes in preparation of getting those that aired over the past ten weeks, I somewhat regretted the choice, as Banshee wasn't really my bag through its first year.

But as I found with Arrow last year, it can be an enlightening experience to spend so much time thinking and writing about a show that you otherwise wouldn't make time for. And as with Arrow, I grew to appreciate the rougher edges around Banshee that didn't appeal to me at first, and liked what it wound up becoming by the time it hit its season finale that aired last night. I'm glad to be off the weekly reviews beat again so that I might have time for features again, but the break may be brief: at the risk of jinxing it, there's a strong likelihood I'll be seeing some review screeners for Game of Thrones Season 4 coming my way any day now. Much as I'm worried about trying to review one of the most popular, densest shows on TV, come on, it's Game of Thrones -you get the chance to watch it early, you take it. And that's coming from someone who's already read the books.

That's all for now. Play me out, creepy James Franco!

New Articles for the Week of July 15th: Emmy Edition

It's July. It's hot. TV stuff continues to happen, despite my protestation months ago. Maybe it's about time this whole Golden Age of TV thing silvered up a bit; we're only halfway through the year, and I'm already starting to get a kid-in-a-candy-store-that's-closing-in-five-minutes panic over the sheer volume of television that's come out this year that I hear is amazing, and I haven't seen a single frame of. The dumbest thing I'll ever write (an award that changes ownership with exciting frequency) might turn out to be that doom 'n gloom forecasting for 2013 in did in my Best of 2012 list. I've done a rough draft of this year's version, and it's already got more than 25 nominees. It's not even fall pilot season yet, people!

The best evidence showing the critical mass of quality small screen entertainment being dumped on us is the Emmy nominations that came out today. Most of the major categories could have doubled their nominee list, and still realistically had people moaning on twitter about snubs and/or flubs. I love me some Oscars, but the Emmys have never held huge appeal to me, what with a voting record that makes the HFPA look like Deep Thought, and much larger commitment there is to fully viewing the possible contenders. Besides, in the words of a still Emmy-less performance that proves their inadequacy, awards are stupid...

...but they'd be less stupid if they went to the right people. Like Tatiana Maslany, for example. Any one of the roles she plays on Orphan Black wouldn't be enough to make much hay out of, but when four or five of those performances form up in the Voltron-like acting decathlon that the show is for Maslany, her exclusion becomes a real shame. As does the near dearth of nods for Justified and The Americans, though acknowledging how great the opening titles and Margo Martindale were on the latter helps make the lack of dues given to Keri Russell and Timothy Olyphant more tolerable. And while I'm complaining, hey Emmy voters: where's the love for Key & Peele? Variety or otherwise, this was a strong contender for funniest show of the year, no ifs, ands, or buts (give or take an ampersand in the title).

Whatever, there were still plenty of smart choices, and a couple of surprise nominations worth celebrating (Yay Top of the Lake! Yay Enlightened!). And who am I kidding, if Jonathan Banks wins for Best Supporting Actor, all will be forgiven.

But their will be plenty more time for bitching about the Emmys once they've actually happened, so let's focus on some more(ish) immediate distractions.

Under the Dome: This is the closest thing to a screener-review I've ever gotten to do, as most critics get to watch a couple episodes of a new show before giving their early verdict. Now four episodes in, here is a rough approximation of how my thoughts on the Stephen King-adapted miniseries have developed thus far:

Week 1: Hey, this is pretty good! The effects are alright, the premise is interesting, and Dean Norris is getting paid. Let's see where this goes!

Week 2: Well...that was unfortunate. But hey, sophomore slumps are commonplace in TV. They'll learn valuable lessons from the mistakes this week.

Week 3: Nope, school's out, there has been no learning. Oh god, and the ratings are still holding, so they'll probably pick this up from miniseries to a full series! Abort, ABORT!

Week 4: Has the plane finally levelled out, or was there just nowhere left to go but up? I guess you can feel pretty okay about a bland, tolerable cup of coffee as a palette cleanser when it followed a three course meal that cratered in quality from appetizers onward.

I'll be reviewing the remaining 9 episodes over the next couple months, but really hope this thing makes up its mind about how good it's going to be. Writing about TV that's exceptional, or exceptionally awful is easy; it's everything in between that gets difficult.

The Last of Us: As expected, I spent the better part of a week writing about how this one video game is, like, really good you guys. No really it, is! It's got a great story, well-realized characters, an incredible atmosph- and everyone's gone.

I don't have a ton of time for games anymore, but I like it when one like this comes along, and gives me an excuse to release more of the "Video Game Storytelling Sucks, and Here's Why" manifesto that's been rattling around in my brain for awhile now. The Last of Us is definitely the sort of game I feel no regrets in spending more time writing about than actually playing; that's probably as good an indicator as any that it's doing something right. Seriously, if you have a PS3, this is probably the best game you'll have the chance to play all year.

White House Kegger: Sadly, this is neither a show, nor a game (though has probably been the theme to numerous college parties). With the roommate out of town all week, I dedicated myself to beating the heat in three-pronged fashion: wearing as little clothing as possible, staying refreshed with minikeg of awful Canadian pale ale, and plowing through a pair of Washington-based series that will be up for "Best of" Consideration later in the year.

The first of which, House of Cards, definitely saw its "It" status confirmed by the Emmy nominations, welcoming Netflix to the big kids table with representation in Best Drama, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Direction categories (yet none for best effects, despite convincingly CG-ing Foghorn Leghorn to look like Kevin Spacey). While it's nice to see a new challenger to the old guard throwing their hat into the ring, I wish it was because of a better series than HoC. While it looks the part of a top-tier drama (David Fincher's "everything and everyone looks slightly sick" style does marvels in a political setting), it's a series in search of a reason for existing, beyond theoretically drawing in Netflix subscribers. It goes down easy, but is often lacking in urgency or purpose, bringing in and dropping plot threads hither and thither, while never finding a solid throughline to latch onto. For every component that worked exceptionally well, another would be altogether lacking (Kate Mara's reporter turned blogger rock star arc is best enjoyed by those who thought David Simon's lecturing about the death of journalism in Season 5 of The Wire was too subtle).

Similarly good, but not great, was Season 2 of Veep. Again, all the right elements are there. The talent in front of, and behind the camera is all-star material, and the executive branch is a comedic goldmine. But that just left me further confused as to why Veep would be consistently enjoyable, but never transcendent. Perhaps The Thick of It, with its more fanciful four-letter language, and less familiar setting, over-clocked my expectations for how Armando Iannucci's vicious wit would play on the other side of the Atlantic (I don't think I even finished Season 1, come to think of it).

Both shows have a good shot at squeaking into the back half of my Top 20 this year, but given the number of interesting freshman shows 2013 has had already given us, that's no guarantee. This weekend's likely going to be spent seeing if all the fuss about Netflix's newest series, Orange is the New Black, is justified. Here's hoping it is, because a Best of 2013 list dominated by newbies is something I'd really be happy to see (especially given how many buck the "White Male Anti-Hero" trend that's defined the Golden Age thus far. Check out Brett Martin's awesome new reflection on the WMA phenomenon, Difficult Men, if you get the chance).

That's all for now. Play me out, gag reel from New Girl-and-wait-I-forget-to-mention-I-finally-watched-New-Girl-which-is-thoroughly-enjoyable-and-I-liked-more-than-the-three-shows-I-just-talked-about-so-whoops-I-guess-I-buried-the-lede-on-this-one

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWfywCaAmMk]

New Articles for the Week of March 4th: Colonel Sanders, in the TV Parlour, with the Stoker

You ever have that moment hit you, when you're walking down the street, loving and living life, and suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, it dawns on you that you haven't had KFC in, like, a year? Before you know it, you're back home, holding a plate of undercooked drumsticks, a cup of brown, motor oil gravy, and a greased through box of stringy potatoes that are to french fries what stubbing your toe on the cafe table is to a foot massage. As even your most base cravings flee the pleasure centres of your brain, you realize this is all too familiar. The stumbled upon stroke of gastro-genius, the thrill of putting thought into motion, the dreamy anticipation that follows on the way to the kitchen, and the cold, coagulated reality that greet you there are all part of a mistake you've made again, and again, year in, year out. You knew this was going to be the end result, because this is what happens every time you order KFC, and you've gone through these same motions more times than you can count. You should know better by now, you do know better by now. But you went through with it all anyway. You let the money change hands, and knowingly brought seven herbs and spices worth of sheer, southern-fried disappointment into your home. You see yourself as Memento's Leonard Shelby, having chosen to willfully ignore the truth of your own unchanging, self-destructive nature, and chase the glimmering mirage that's better left out of reach. Alone, you stare into the depths of the red cardboard bucket of chicken, and the chicken stare back.

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Whoops, sorry bout that. Just cleaning fried chicken skin out of the keyboard. I wanted to start this week off with an extended metaphor for how finding stable, gainful employment after months of searching is like drifting onto an island moments before starvation...except then the very thing keeping you alive becomes a comforting deathtrap, and you wonder if it's worth sucking down coconut juice for the rest of your life. You know, the ol' "be careful what you wish for," type deal-y, except filtered through the universal disappoint that follows the five minutes each year you spend thinking, hey, I could really go for some KFC. Guess that sorta got lost in all the dramatics, my bad. And what the hell do I know about fried chicken anyway, I like Popeye's for God's sake.

Oh, right. Articles.

• Like clockwork, a new Arrow review materializes. I may have been assigned covering the show, but that just means I appreciate its recent hot streak all the more.
• And speaking of wooden objects that can be driven into the heart of a person, animal, or Dracula, the latter of which was created by late-Victorian-era author Bram Stoker (BOOM, SEGUE): here's my review for Stoker, the new movie from Old Boy director Park Chan-wook. I was lucky enough to catch it in limited release, and thoroughly appreciated its gothic style, and general fucked-up-idness. Plus, I think I've finally committed the proper ordering for Park Chan-wook's name to memory.   

I also had the very industrious goal of rattling off some thoughts on the shows I'm watching right now, but KFC-slamming slam poetry got in the way. Here's the five-second appraisal for a few of the things I'm keeping tabs on:

• The Americans: Four terrible Keri Russell wigs out of "Tusk."

-Four episodes after reviewing the pilot, I'm still playing the Homeland game of "is this the week a tightly constructed spy drama goes to shit for being to plot-heavy?" So far, it hasn't happened, and the great character work, combined with the beautiful, insane setpieces, make this a challenger to Justified's Stetson crown as FX's best show.

• Justified: One sawed off foot out of a pair of Walton Goggins bug-eyes.

-I might not have expressed this clearly enough when I reviewed the premiere for season 4 a few months back, but on the level of TV as entertainment, Justified is the best thing out there right now. Even the background music for the "Previously On" intros gives me more pure pleasure in 2 minutes than most shows manage in an hour. That it's a hoot every week, while also being consistently pretty great as a showcase for drama, acting, directing, writing, and all that, is just gravy.

• Bob's Burgers: One Jon Hamm-voiced transforming toilet out of Eugene Mirman's H. Jon Benjamin impression.

-I don't know if I've fallen for an animated family sitcom like this since The Simpsons. Okay, so there haven't really been too many shows that fit the profile, and I didn't really fall in love with The Simpsons, so much as devote an entire childhood to it, but I stand by the inaccurate hyperbole. Bob's Burgers lands in a perfect sweet-spot between low-key, and zany, and the voice cast is really something else.

• The Walking Dead: Thirty Walkers-appearing-from-literally-nowhere out of every furrowed brow Michonne gets to deliver instead of actual characterizing dialogue.

-I should more thoroughly hash out my near complete falling out with this show these last few weeks, especially after last Sunday's episode, which, while a significant step up from what the latest half season has brought, convinced me that The Walking Dead and I may soon be parting ways. And that's coming from a guy who enjoyed 50-odd issues of the comic, and reads The Ultimate Zombie Survival Guide at least once a year. "The Problem with Post-apocalyptic Programming" will wait for another time, but for now, I'll just say that between the two minutes of zombie action breaking up the tedium each week, and AMC's relentless efforts to Walking Dead-ify every waking moment of your life, I'm pretty strung out.

• Enlightened: One epiphany-inducing sea turtle out of a dozen ironically self-involved existential voice overs.

-Again, I wish I had more time to write this one up properly. Then again, just about everything worth saying about how insanely precious this show is to TV as a whole, has come gushing out of the critical community these last two weeks like an African rainstorm, so I don't know how much I have to add. It's a show that's hard to really do justice in a paragraph, or even find an easy point of comparison, so let's settle for this: it's the opposite of Breaking Bad, and that's a compliment. Maybe everyone on Game of Thrones just wears sweat pants for a week, and HBO can spare the change to give one of the best things to happen to modern TV a third season.

• Wordpress Shortcuts: 0 intuitive rulesets for font modification out of FUCK-YOU-I-JUST-WANT-THE-LAST-PART-ITALICIZED-WHY-IS-EVERYTHING-BOLD-NOW?!!?!

That's all for this week. To close up shop, please once again reflect on this picture of two-time Oscar-winner Ang Lee eating at In-N-Out Burger. I don't think we as a people have given the photo its proper due:

New Articles for the Week of February 11th

Hey-hey, everybody! Happy belated February, one and all. It's been a hectic one over on my end, but for celebratory reasons. After months on the hunt, I've finally locked down a job, so the lights at my humble abode will remain on for the foreseeable future. Theoretically, anyway -the electricity bill is going to take a nosedive, as my new gig is mostly night work. It's got really good pay, with some really bad hours, but it'll free me up to write more extensive features during the daytime. Already cooking is my previously mentioned Oscars guide, as well as an opinion piece on Netflix's recent entrance into the heavyweight division of TV programming. Here's some stuff to tide you over until then:

-Old business first: Not one, but two Arrow reviews. Don't I just spoil you?

-New business: I reviewed the pilot for The Americans, a very promising new show on FX that can be best summed up as Cold War-era Homeland. As with Showtime's twisty conspiracy drama, I'm waiting for this one to go off a cliff at any moment, but through two episodes, it's been terrific. If nothing else, watch the first ten minutes of the pilot, which is fantastic, and might make a Fleetwood Mac song your new pump-up jam.

-Off my mind: I like having this blog because it lets me write pieces that don't really belong on other websites. For instance, I recently decided to take on The Shield as my next big TV drama, and wrote my thoughts on it through two seasons a couple weeks back. Ditto for my not-review-but-still-kinda-review-sounding think-piece for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, which was supposed to only run a few hundred words, but quickly took on a life (and length) of its own. See, Peter Jackson: you're not the only one who can turn a small, simple project into a gigantic, shaggy monstrosity that runs waaaaaaay too long.

That's all for this update, but be sure to check back regularly, or subscribe to the site. As always, you can see an orderly list of my recent published work by checking out http://wegotthiscovered.com/author/sam-woolf/